I want to write today to mothers of little children who sometimes go to church and come home empty. Mothers who spend their Sabbath mornings hurrying to get ready, only to spend the entire worship service chasing rowdy toddlers or walking fussy babies. They wonder if the effort was worth it. First I need to give you a little background. Our church meets from 9:00am to 12:00pm each Sunday. For those unfamiliar with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you can learn much more HERE, but I’ll explain a teeny bit as it relates to this post.
In our church all the leadership, teachers for classes, and so on are done by the lay members of the church. There is no paid ministry at any level, local or worldwide. Each calling (position) locally is filled as the Bishop and his counselors pray about the congregation and ask someone to serve based on the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
My husband’s current calling brings him to meetings before church every Sunday beginning at 7:00am. Every other Sunday he also stays after church for yet another meeting and does not arrive home until nearly 2:00pm. Today is one of those Sundays.
Every Sunday morning I am the only adult at home to wake, feed, and ready myself and six children for church. Each Saturday I try to prepare ahead, packing the diaper bag, having everyone choose clothing, making sure the house is clean, preparing easy meals for the following day, getting showers/baths for everyone done, and then putting the children to bed at a nice, early hour. While the preparations help, I still find myself feeling hurried, frustrated by slow-moving children, and anything but rested.
We then struggle through 3 hours of church. I will be honest, with a preschooler, a toddler, a baby, plus 3 more elementary age children, some days really are a struggle. There are many days when I come home having received no spiritual feeding as I wrestled with the toddler, walked and rocked the baby, or refereed the older children. It feels as if I have wasted all that time and effort for nothing. Do you ever feel like that?
I have been doing this (church with little ones in tow) for 9 1/2 years straight. I have learned that the effort is never wasted. It may have felt as if I got nothing but frustration from going to church, but God honors my efforts. You see, I’m not the only one in this equation. My children were at church because of my efforts, and that put them in a place where God’s tender mercies could reach them through others.
Today I heard my 9 year old give a talk that she wrote by herself about God’s plan. She was nervous, she didn’t know if anyone would care about what she had to say. Not only did she know that her father and I were proud of her, three loving people stopped her today to thank her for what she said during her talk.
My 3 year old son, who is as rambunctious as they come, has a husband/wife couple teaching his Sunday School class. They have embraced his energy, his talkative personality, and so he loves going to class. Not every teacher does that.
I may never know all the ways my children have been blessed, strengthened, and uplifted because they were at church today. Even on the days when I feel that I come away empty from church because I have been caught up in the care of my children it is worth it, because they are worth the effort.
Just keep going. You may feel as if your efforts are wasted. They are not. God will honor your efforts.
20 comments:
I've just discovered your blog, and this is the first time I've commented! Hello! =)
I can very much relate to this. I have 4 kids 7 and under and I'm pregnant with the 5th. My husband is on staff at our church (we are United Methodist) and this requires him to be there early Sunday morning and most of the afternoon. Maybe it's because we homeschool and I'm just not used to having to get everyone up, fed, and ready by a certain time every day, but Sunday's are such a challenge. I'm always feeling like I'm running behind and like I just go go go until we load up to come home for lunch, without daddy. But you are right. Not only are we being obedient by taking our kids to church and being there ourselves, God will honor those efforts! Even if it feels empty, it isn't. Thanks for the good reminder! And for making me feel like I'm not the only one who shows up to church all wild-eyed and frazzled! =)
Oh this is sooooo encouraging! Thank you! :)
Emily - Nice to meet you!! Yes, I think you're right, being homeschoolers means we don't get out the door early unless we want to, and we don't often want to. :) So that does lend to the stress. And I am right there in the wild-eyed and frazzled when I get to church. I often chuckle when people ask "How are you today?" because most of them ask out of politeness, not because they really want to know, and so when I answer honestly they sometimes are very suprised. I'm not sure why people hide behind a "Everything's just peachy" facade at church....sigh. I want to be real and I want others to be real too.
Alice - so glad it was encouraging! I know when I had just 1 or 2 children I felt so overwhelmed and there really weren't too women who were there to help me through by sharing that what I was going through was perfectly normal, and that I would survive. Hehe.
I'm pretty sure that spouses of members of the bishopric automatically gain bonus points for the next life. It definitely makes Sundays not a rest day at all! Seeing Dave off on Sunday mornings always makes me cringe a little knowing what is to come, but it is all worth it! Our family has been blessed time and time again as Dave and I have been faithful in our callings. Keep going... sometimes our efforts may be more for others than ourselves, but there's a life lesson in that, too. Plus, I think it's somewhere in the Bible that says mommies automatically go to heaven, right?
Thank you so much for the reminder that God has a special purpose for all things we do with a righteous heart. This morning in our church Pastor was addressing Acts 24:1-9 - about how we are to have joy in every situation. This doesn't mean it is a sin to feel sad or down, but rather that rejoicing in our salvation and our God is the key to joyfulness even in the midst of tremendous pain or frustration.
I have read your blog for a little while and sincerely enjoy it! I am not yet a mother but will hopefully be pretty soon and am thankful for the experiences and insights you share. Thank you!
Thank you! your words blessed me today!
Welcome Erin! And thank you for the beautiful post Tristan. As I sat with my two older boys this morning, and watched the younger families, I felt a bit of envy, of having that small child want nothing more than your undivided attention. And what better time than when you are all sitting down? Watching these little ones go from sweet to angry to sad to tears to laughter to get dad's attention. Hard not to giggle a bit. Smirk aside - I did say a prayer for Mom with the baby on the hip, the two year old clinking to the ankle and the cuter than every preschoolers dancing around. Love to you too!
You never know who else you are blessing either. A couple weeks ago we had a rougher-than-usual church service. Nothing horrendous, the big girls do fine in church, we were sitting in an area designated for families with young children so some toddler noise is accepted/expected, but Lina had some meltdowns (not typical for her) and there was an older couple sitting in that section, so I felt bad that she was probably distracting/disturbing them (I did take her out during her meltdowns, but still . . . ) Anyway, afterward, the wife of that older couple, made a point of coming over and thanking me for having my children there, she said she'd gotten such a blessing out of watching them . . . so sometimes even when we're feeling frazzled and wondering if it's worth the effort, other people are somehow (don't ask me how, hee hee) being blessed by US, even those energetic kids. You never know how God's going to use you!
I feel you on this one. The church we go to now is a half hour away from home, and we have options of 3 different services to attend. But still, I have so much trouble getting us dressed, fed, cleaned up, out the door, and there on time even when we choose to attend the Sunday afternoon service or the Saturday night one instead of Sunday morning. My husband isn't too big on church, so I can't count on him to help me get everyone ready, and half the time we don't even make it out the door. I miss the days when we went to church just a couple miles away........ :-(
With my youngest almost five, I realize that I actually kind of miss those days. (Although, I didn't thing I would at the time.) We still have various struggles, but I (like you) have been soooo blessed by regular church attendance. I think what has been made abundantly clear is that God loves me. He has blessed me in amazing ways through our family's involvement in church. I have been particularly grateful that my children have had the opportunity to interact with another authority figure. I know my children are my responsibility, but it is amazing to see how Primary and scout leaders can get my children to do things that they don't want to do for me. I could go on, but suffice it to say, church attendance is definitely worth it. And as my children have become more independent, I have enjoyed the opportunities to serve in other ways.
Thanks! We currently have the 8:30 church time-so much better than the 1:30 from last year or the 11 we had for the 4 years before!) I only have two children but one has severe and profound special needs. There are days I wonder if we will ever quit walking the halls, and maybe we won't. As I watch what my 5 year old learns at church I am so thankful for all her primary teachers and the effort they make as they too are often hall walking etc.
You are SO right Tristan! My kids are getting older and (for reasons I can't explain, we aren't having any babies right now) and I can't believe how much easier things have gotten as time has gone on. I used to almost hate church. People tell me all the time now, "I can't believe how good and quiet your kids are at church!", (not to mention, that someone told me the other day that she thought my kids were the most well behaved in all of our small town..haha! should I tell her the truth?) and I think to myself, "I thought this day would never come!" but I stuck with it and it has. My oldest is 10 and yesterday I realized that she does her own hair... oh how nice it is to give up some of the responsibility. I know that if we get to have babies and toddlers again that it will get harder... but it's just part of the all the joy we get to experience all mixed it.
Going to church will always be blessed! Good Job SupperMamma!
Thank You!
I totally agree! I remember when my 3rd & 4th sons (19 months apart) were little, my hubby was Bishop & I felt like I was CONSTANTLY in the halls, despite trying to train all my sons to sit well. My first two actually did sit well, I could leave them in the chapel alone on the second bench, where Dad could give them the eye if needed. But I felt for a woman who had just joined the LDS church and had a toddler. My cup I filled at home & for years of growing up. She was new & needed to not be in the halls. What a struggle. I always told myself it was worth it I was doing what I was supposed to & my sons needed to be there for a multitude of reasons.
I will tell you that this post meant a lot. I am struggling with beign in a church that is "just barely meeting the needs" of us as a family. We have settled at this church for this season of our life but sometimes I would rather just not go! But the end where you said "just keep going. you may feel as if your efforts are wasted. They are not"
THAT IS what I so needed to hear. God can meet me and my children in any place. No it is not the perfect church fit for us, yes it is our place for this season but GOD can meet us anywhere!
I really need this post right now Tristan! Thank you more than you know!
I think I was lead to find your blog, and this post today. After a really challenging week I was so looking forward to church and what *I* was going to get out of the service.
Then I ended up having to sit in on my son's class and didn't hear a single word of the service, and the class overran so we had to leave straight away afterwards. I've not been in the best of moods since.
To read your words and realise that what happened today brought my son closer to God (because he adored this class and really loved me being able to be there and help make it happen) has made me realise that it was obviously God's will and way to show me today that that was what was best for us. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Hi again. I love your blog but only get to it once in awhile and read back as far as I got last time.
Anyway, I've had days like this too. My husband also leaves early and stays late and while I only have 2 little ones to get ready, it's a tough job (but kudos to you for getting all 6 out the door!).
There have been a couple Sundays in the last 9 months or so that I've just decided to stay home for whatever reason. Those are often the worst Sundays ever! Satan creeps in more easily and we end up picking on each other or just having a rough time together in general. It would actually be much easier to just get out the door!
Anyway, just wanted to say that you are not alone.
Thanks for this post. My husband also is gone most of Sunday and sits on the stand watching me and our four children try to make it through! Sometimes I get embarrassed that I'm such a mess but I always focus on feeling the spirit at least once and am always blessed with that each week. Also, like you said, it's worth it to go even if it's only for the children.
20 years ago I was in your shoes. We had six kids under 9 and my husband also served in the Bishopric. Like you, I sometimes wondered what was the purpose of going to Church and coming home more tired and frazzled than I would have been staying home. Like you, I also learned that going was more for my children, to teach them where we were supposed to be and why, than for myself.
Now I'm a proud gamma of 10 and watch my children struggle with the same things and know that in the end, it will all work out.
In the meantime, I'm always on the lookout for a bedraggled mother who might "share" a toddler or baby with me so that perhaps she can go home with just a little more in her cup than she came with.
Keep up the good work, it DOES payoff!
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